Lunch jokes

An Indian family went into self quarantine

after eating lunch at their English friend’s house as they couldn’t taste anything.

My girlfriend is cheating on me with a doctor.

Yesterday, I found out my girlfriend is cheating on me with the primary doctor at her hospital. So from now on, I’ll be giving her an apple for lunch everyday. That oughta do the trick.

I came up with this joke during lunch break: What do you call a jewish obstacle course?

Shlalom

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example:

Jane ate her friend's lunch.

Jane ate her friend's colon.

Who eats Five Guys for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

Jeffrey Dahmer

My mum keeps moaning about the cost of things these days. £2.50 for a sandwich, £1.50 for coffee, £12.50 for a Sunday lunch....

So I say to her, “look Mum, my house, my prices!”

Old German joke

An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, “The soup is cold."

His astonished mother exclaimed, “Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven’t you spoken before?"

The boy looked at her and replied, “Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."

A farmer buys a young cock

As soon as he gets it home, it fucks all the farmer's 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch the cock again screws all 150 hens. The next day, it's fucking the ducks and the geese too.

Sadly, later in the day he finds the cock lying on the ground half dead and vultures circling overhead. The farmer says, "you deserved it, you horny bastard!" The cock opens one eye, points up and says, "sshhhh. They're about to land!!"

Boss shows up at a job site

Boss: "Bob where were you I've been looking for you since morning!!!!! It's lunch time already!!!!"

Bob: "Boss, a good employee is hard to find."