Meal jokes

A guard asks a woman on death row what she’d like for her final meal.

“idk, what do you want?”

An atheist in the forest...

stumbles upon a bear. The bear rears up to attack and the atheist yells "oh god no!" time stops and he hears the voice of god say "you called for me my son?" the atheist responds "I would ask you to save me, but that would be hypocritical, so instead, can you make the bear a christian?" he hears "I shall do this for you my son". Time resumes and the bear stops, puts his paws together and says "God in the heavens.... thank you for this meal you have provided me with today, amen"

After sex I like to cook for my husband....

He usually appreciates coming home from work to a hot meal.

Why did 7 eat 9?

Cause he needs 3 squared meals a day

I'm sorry

Why does everyone add salt to their meals?

It’s sodium goooood

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then, why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married."

Honest Guy

A truckie who has been out on the road for three weeks steps into a brothel outside Kalgoorlie. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your ugliest woman and a burnt chop.!! The Madam is astonished. 'But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a lovely three-course meal. The truckie replies, 'I'm not horny . . . . ... I'm homesick.