A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
A vegan, an atheist, and a crossfitter walk into a bar...
I only know because they told everybody
An atheist in the forest...
stumbles upon a bear. The bear rears up to attack and the atheist yells "oh god no!" time stops and he hears the voice of god say "you called for me my son?" the atheist responds "I would ask you to save me, but that would be hypocritical, so instead, can you make the bear a christian?" he hears "I shall do this for you my son". Time resumes and the bear stops, puts his paws together and says "God in the heavens.... thank you for this meal you have provided me with today, amen"
A Christian, a Jew, a Muslim, an atheist, and a Pagan all walk into a Starbucks
And they chat, enjoy coffee, laugh, become friends, and have a wonderful time.
This isn't a joke, by the way. It's just what happens when you're not a dickhead
What's the difference between an atheist and an evangelical Christian?
The atheist is honest about not following the teachings of Christ.
If I was god I would be an atheist
Because I do not believe in myself
An Atheist...
Walks up to the Pearly Gates. God says, "I will let you in if you can make me laugh."
The Atheist asks, "who is the greatest Jewish baker of all time? Hitler. He made over 60,000 Jews toast."
God looks at him and says, "A holocaust joke? That is not really funny."
The atheist replied, "Eh, I guess you should have been there."
Did you hear about the atheist mom who drowned her six kids?
She said no one told her to do it.
An Atheist and a Christian walk into a bar...
...they proceed to have a few drinks and enjoy each others company because they're not pretentious assholes