Mood jokes

I just swallowed a mood ring.

Not quite sure how I feel about it...

It's the little things in a marriage.

A guy is out with his buddies. He has a few drinks, gets in the mood but true to his wife goes home.

When he gets home he finds her sound asleep in bed with her mouth wide open. He gets two aspirin and drops them into her mouth.

Of course, she chokes but recovers and asks, "What did you put in my mouth??"

He says, "Two aspirin". She replies, "BUT I DON'T HAVE A HEADACHE"!!! He says, "That's what I wanted to hear."

'Involuntary Muscle Contraction'

A Professor was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students. This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?' She replied, 'Probably golfing with his buddies.’

A man wakes up after a heavy night of drinking to his wife happily cooking breakfast.

Confused, he approaches his daughter for an explanation of last night when he arrived home. "You kicked in the door when you couldn't get your key in the lock, fell through the table and broke it, and pissed your pants." "Jesus! So then why the hell is she in such a good mood?" "When she tried to take your pants off to wash them, you slapped her hand away and said, 'Get your hands off me! I'm married!'"

So today, someone stole my Mood Ring.....

I honestly don't know how to feel about it.

Just saw a sheep fight a cow

Looks like they were in a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad mooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

What Movie does Hillary Watch when she's in a Bad Mood..?

Kill Bill.