Nuts jokes

My girlfriend refused to have unprotected sex

I understand, she is deadly allergic to nuts.

What does a mechanic do during a 1 night stand?

He screws, nuts, and bolts

I don't get what's so hard about No Nut November

It's the 3rd day and I haven't eaten any nuts yet. I just distract myself by constantly masturbating all day.

A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, an eyepatch, a parrot on his shoulder and a steering wheel in his pants.

The bartender says, “you’ve got a steering wheel in your pants”.

The pirate replies with, “arrr, I know, it’s driving me nuts!”.

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, my fingers because I can always count on them, my head for staying on top of things, my nuts for hanging in there, and my dick for standing up for me.

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts.

I can prove getting kicked in the nuts hurts worse than childbirth.

No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, “You know, I’d like another one.”

A man is walking past the mental hospital

through the board fence he hears the nuts inside chanting, thirteen...thirteen...thirteen. Curious, peeks through a knot hole and someone pokes him in the eye! As he jumps back in pain he hears the nuts start chanting, fourteen...fourteen...fourteen.