A man went into a tattoo parlor and asked to have a fifty dollar bill tattooed on his dick. The tattoo artist said, “I’ve had some strange requests but this one tops the lot. Why in the hell would you want me to tattoo your prick a picture of a banknote?”
The man replied, “There are three reasons.
One, I love to play with my money.
Two, when I play with my money, I love to see it grow.
Three, and this is the most important of all, the next time my wife wants to blow fifty bucks, she won’t have to leave the house!”
My family is like a cactus: a bunch of pricks.
My wife asked me to get a Vladimir Putin tattoo.
When I got home she asked me about it excitedly.
I pulled down my trousers and showed her my crotch, where the word "Gigawatt" had been tattooed on my penis.
"What the fuck is that?" she yelled.
I said, "It's a prick with too much power."
Magic Window
Two men are sitting in a bar. One says to the other, "That window is magic. To prove it, I'll jump out." He jumps, much to the other man's horror, and plummets 20 floors only to stop and float gently back up. "Amazing, huh? Why don't you try?" The other man is dubious, but eventually decides to jump. He plummets 30 floors and smacks into the pavement. The first man is in hysterics. "You know," says the bartender, "you're a real prick when you're drunk, Superman."
I can't be doing with those pricks who knock on my door and tell me they're my saviour and if I don't listen I'll burn.
Damn Firemen.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
