Soviet Curfew
A man in Moscow is walking home after his day at work and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and tells him to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.
“What did you do that for?” he asks.
“Curfew violation,” the other guard says.
“Curfew violation? Curfew isn’t for another half hour!”
“I know. That’s my friend. I know where he lives. He never would have made it.”
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85.
That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
What is a chef's favorite gun?
A-salt-rifle
I'll show myself out
*assault rifle tips fedora*
M’16.
I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she is so cute, with big brown eyes.
Actually, it's because I would like someone to shoot her mother, with a hunting rifle.
“Doctor, please help, my friend broke his leg.”
“Sorry, but I’m a vet, I specialize in horses.”
“Come on, please, it can’t be that big of a difference?”
“Ok fine, just let me get my rifle from the car.”
Finally realized why the end of my rifle always tastes so salty
Because whenever I put it in my mouth I’m always crying
