A guy storms into a bank, pulls out his gun, points it at a teller and hollers, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” Trembling, the teller stammers, “D...d...don’t y...y...you m...m...mean h...h...history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!”
How do you stop a fight between 2 blind people?
You scream: “I bet 10 dollars on the guy with the knife!”
My brother took being sent to prison really badly.
He was yelling and screaming, took off his clothes, and would not accept any food from anyone.
That was the last time we played monopoly.
Me: I'm afraid of random letters
Therapist: you are?
Me: "screams"
Therapist: Oh I see
Me: "continues to scream"
As I got older, I’ve developed this embarrassing habit of screaming loudly during my proctology exams.
It makes my patients feel really uncomfortable.
The carpenter came home one day...
A carpenter came home one day only to discover his wife in bed with another man.
In a total rage, he dragged the naked man down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vice.
He then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next he picked up a hacksaw.
The terrified man, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?"
The man, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."
I was having anal sex with my girlfriend. Her father suddenly slammed the door open and started screaming at her. "Dad, I'm sorry!", she said. The father turned to me and, from the top of his lungs, he started screaming: "Are you fucking sorry?"
Massaging the wife
Italian : Last night I massaged my wife with the finest olive oil, then we made love and I made her scream non stop 5 minutes.
French : Last night I massaged my wife with special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her scream 15 minutes.
American : Thats nothing! Last night I massaged my wife with cheese, then made love and made her scream for 2 hours.
Italian and French, astonished : 2 hours ! How !?
American : I wiped my hands on the curtains...