Season jokes

I wanted to volunteer and do something good this holiday season...

So I helped these dyslexic kids write letters to Satan.

Just been talking to an old guy, ex-soldier.

He explained to me he had been exposed to mustard gas and pepper spray, it was nice chatting to a seasoned veteran.

People say I don't have friends

They're wrong. I have 10 seasons on DVD

The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best.

Winter: Well you can build snowmen, and the snow is so beautiful. And Christmas!! Everyone loves Christmas!

Spring: Well sure but come springtime everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!

Summer: yes but I am undoubtably the overall best season, girls in bikinis, ice cream, nice weather. You can't top that. What about you autumn what do you have to offer?

Autumn: * leaves *

Why did Trump hold his press conference at the 4-seasons garden centre, between a sex shop and a crematorium?

Because he was between a cock and a charred place.

What do you call an Army Commander who is covered in pepper?

A seasoned veteran

It’s the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, “And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women’s dorms past eight o'clock at night, it’s fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.”

One pledge raises his hand and asks, “How much for a season pass?”