Snake jokes

A snake walks in to a bar...

Barman says "you can't do that"!

A sheep, a drum and a snake fell off a cliff.

BAA-DUMM-TSSS

What did Saint Patrick say when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland?

"Everyone got seat belts on back there?"

What do you call a snake that's 3.14 metres long?

A "Pi"-thon.

(brought to you by the bad puns initiative)

I can't see how this day could get any worse. First, my baby cousin went missing...

And now my pet snake has a huge tumor

How long are math snakes?

3.14 feet. Well, at least the πthon is

(I'm so sorry)

A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror!

The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

My girlfriend said she was going to get a massive tattoo of a snake on her back.

"Do it," I said. "But it might hurt you."

"I know," she replied. "But it's only a needle."

"No," I said. "I mean being single."

Noah had just landed the ark.

After all the animals had disembarked he went back in to look around and there were two snakes in the corner crying. He said what's going on? I told you to go fourth and multiply. They replied but we're adders!

Cowboy Insurance

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.

"Ever have an accident?"

"Nope, nary a one."

"None? You've never had any accidents."

"Nope. Ain't had one. Never."

"Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"

"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."