Sober jokes

A Irishman, Mick goes to the doctor complaining of stomach pain...

Doctor: "Well I cant find anything wrong with you , it must be the drinking" Mick : "Ill come back when you're sober Doctor"

Drink

A drunk is refused a drink in a bar, so he undertakes to prove to the barman that he is sober. He gestures toward a cat near the doorway and says, "You see that cat coming in the door? It has two eyes. If I were drunk, I'd see four!"

The bartender looks, then pauses a moment. Finally he responds, "You're drunker than I thought!", taking the rest of the alcohol away, "That cat isn't coming in, it's going out!"

I am a 100 days sober!

... Not in a row or anything, just total.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion

and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"