It's WW1 on the straits of Gallipoli, the soldiers are ready to charge from their trenches.
The british officers decides to make a rousing speech to his troops: "Listen here lads, did you come here to die?" and the australian answers "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterday!"
There is freedom of speech in china
but there is no freedom after speech.
Everyone says that China doesn't have any freedom of speech. That's obviously untrue.
In the United States, you can go up to the White House and shout "Down with America!", and you won't be punished for it.
Similarly, in China, you can go up to the Communist Party Headquarters and shout "Down with America!", and you won't be punished for it.
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Wanted to update an oldie but goodie to modern times.
A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees...
"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?
When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a stroke.
When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a stroke.
A Soviet citizen turns on the TV
On the first channel, Brezhnev is delivering a speech. The man switches to the second channel: Brezhnev again. Channel three: still Brezhnev. He turns to the fourth channel, and it’s showing a KGB colonel who shakes his fist and warns: "You’d better stop changing channels..."
On the bright side...
We can look forward to four more years of Michelle Obama speeches from our First Lady.
A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar
While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted
" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "
Speaker dropped the mic.