Teacher jokes

My teacher told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

But so far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.

"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

"One dollar." answered little Johnny.

"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."

Little Johnny, the magician's son

"What's your father's occupation?" asked the schoolteacher.

"He's a magician, ma'am," said Little Johnny.

"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" asked the teacher.

"He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny.

"Wow! That must be amazing to watch," said the teacher. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

And Little Johnny said, "One half brother and two half sisters."

The other day, my Physics teacher said I had so much potential...

Then he pushed me out the window.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". Student: I is the.... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

What's the difference between a school teacher and a train?

A school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, a train says choo choo.

My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, "Just you wait!"

Alabama is canceling home schooling.

Apparently too many teachers were having sex with the students.

The pretty teacher was concerned with

one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love." the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

A Bitter Army Veteran storms into a classroom and shouts "If it weren't for me you'd all be speaking German!"

"That's right" replies the German teacher.

Teacher: Billy if there are 5 birds on a fence and you shoot 1 how many birds are left?

Billy: None the others would fly away at the sound of the gun.

Teacher: The answer is 4 but I like the way you think.

Billy: I have a question Miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 licking, 1 biting, and 1 sucking, which one is married?

Teacher blushing, nervously answers “the one sucking.”

Billy: The answer is the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think.

A teacher asks her students,"Can anybody spell before?"

Carey stands up and says, "Before. B -e- f -o- r.Before."

"No that is wrong.Sit down."say4s the teacher."

"Frankie, can you spell before?"

Frankie stands up and says, "Before.B - e- e- f -o-r.Before!"

"No, that's not right either.Tyrone, can you spell before?"

Tyrone stands up and says,"Before. B-e-f-o-r-e! Before!"

"Outstanding!"says the teacher."Now, can you use it in a sentence?"

Tyrone stands up and says,

" 2+2 before."