Wittle Wabbit
little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
As a kid I was told that, "Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten."
Also when I was a kid I was told by Bob Barker to, "..help control the pet population."
I was raised to listen to my elders...
My roommate got in trouble with the police because he had two crows in our apartment as pets.
The cops arrested him for attempted murder.
I named my first dog "What".
Only now did I just realize why the guy on tech support was getting so angry when he repeatedly asked "What is the name of your first pet?" and I kept answering "Yes."
I can't see how this day could get any worse. First, my baby cousin went missing...
And now my pet snake has a huge tumor
No dog owner talks to their pet in a normal voice
*No they don't, oh no they don't*
Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50.
Eeeeee....
Not quite what she was expecting...
Guy: I work with animals every day!
Girl: That's so sweet! Are you a vet or a pet shop own-
Guy: I'm a butcher.
Bunny
A little girl walks into a pet shop. She asks the owner for a bunny, to which he responds "what kind of bunny would you like? A cute black one, an adorable brown one or perhaps a sweet little white one?"
The girl looks at the owner and answers: "I don't think my python really cares..."
I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus...
It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
As a father I’ve learned how important it is to have a pet in your home while raising children.
Not because it teaches kids responsibility or anything but because it makes asking who shit on the floor a lot less awkward.
I got a pet newt, and I named him Tiny
Because he's my newt
My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.
She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.