Blind Man
A blind man walks into a department store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden he starts swinging the dog around in the air by its leash.
One of the store clerks run up to him and yells, "What are you doing!?"
The blind man replies," I'm just taking a look around."
If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?
The United States of America.
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves, is that, they don't speak the same language.
For instance, take the simple phrase - Secure the building.
The Army would post guards around the place.
The Navy would turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines would kill everyone inside and set up headquarters.
The Air Force would take out a five year lease with an option to buy.
People say I'm crazy for trying to invent a mind-controlled air freshener...
but it makes scents when you think about it.
My 5 year-old son caught me having sex with my wife.
He asked, "Dad, what are you doing with Mom?"
"I was just pushing the air out of her tummy." I replied.
"It's no use, I saw our neighbor blowing air between Mom's legs every morning after you leave for work."
People who have Only Fans,
What is stopping you from upgrading to an Air Conditioner?
Stopped to put air in my tires today. The pump cost $1.50! I remember when those things used to only cost 25 cents.
Guess the price has adjusted for inflation.
I just had to pay to refill the air in my tyres. It used to be free!!
Fucking inflation
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy so we will let you choose how you die." The man from France said, "Bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun." And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork." The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!"
What do sex and air have in common?
It's no big deal unless you aren't getting any.
Heard on the radio.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are captured by a witch
The witch tells them, "If you say something about yourself that is true, I will let you go, if not, you will vanish into thin air"
The brunette says, "I think I'm the prettiest" *Poof!* the brunette disappears.
The redhead says, "I think I'm the smartest" *Poof!* the redhead disappears.
The blonde says, "I think..." *Poof!*
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What do you call a cow...
...w/ no legs? Ground beef.
...w/ 1 leg? Stake.
...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.
...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.
...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you dummy.
...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.
...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.
...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.
...w/ a twitch? Beef jerky.
I could keep going but I've milked this joke dry
What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer?
They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows.