Person

None of you actually know what a propaganda is, do you?

It’s when a British person takes a good look at something

A person is walking down the street and hears a bunch of people in a fenced-in yard shouting, "19! 19! 19! 19!"

Curious, he walks over and looks through a hole in the fence. Someone from the other side pokes him in the eye and they all start shouting "20! 20! 20!"

A gamer dies and goes to hell...

After one week, the devil goes to God:

\- God?! What crazy person have you send me here? He destroyed all the cauldrons, killed all demons, running like crazy everywhere and yelling: "Where is the exit to LEVEL 2!!!"

A Priest needs to go to the bathroom and asks for a Nun to hear the confessions for a while

A Priest needs to go to the bathroom and asks for a Nun to hear the confessions while he is out. The first person to arrive it's a gorgeous woman, who says:

-Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I had anal sex with some random guy in a bar.

The nun, shocked doesn't know what Penance to give to the Lady, but an altar boy was passing by so she asks him:

-What does the Priest give to people for anal sex?

-Usually a hamburger and a coke.

The argument

So a guy calls the front desk of the hotel he's staying at and says, "I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."

The front clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that sounds like a personal issue."

And the guy says, "No, it's a maintenance issue. The window won't open."

I hired the most obese personal assistant I could find.

She’s a really big help.

A man called the hotel manager...

He said "Come up quickly, I fought with my wife and now she wants to throw herself out the window!". The manager replied "Sir this is a personal matter and we can't get involved. I can call sec..." The man interrupted "No! This is a maintenance issue. The window won't open!".

Why was the transgender person upset about people getting their name wrong?

Because it was hard to pronouns.

What happens if you drop a nuclear weapon on a dyslexic person?

It's unclear.

Why do French people eat snails?

Because they don't like fast food.

What's a word that starts with an N ends in an R, and is something you never want to call a black person?

Neighbour

Officer: I'm sorry to say, it looks like your girlfriend has been hit by a truck...

Me: Yeah but she has a good personality

There was a plane crash and every single person died

All the married couples survived

I’m Buzz Aldrin, the second person to walk on the moon.

Neil before me.

I can't believe...!

Person 1: I can't believe after all that shit they're back together!!! Person 2: Who?! Person 1: My ass cheeks.

I've used this many times in person, and it still cracks me up to this day lol

What do you call a person who has outstanding street smarts?

A roads scholar

I did my personal best in the 100 metres today....

74 metres.

I gave my seat up to a blind person on a bus

And that is how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Interviewer: are you smart? Bob: I'm not smart, but I am clever. Interviewer: How so? Bob: in class, I sat next to the dumbest and second dumbest person in class, I'm the third dumbest, but by peeking at their tests, I got the highest score in the class.

Interviewer: how's that possible? Bob: by process of elimination. None of our answers could be correct.

How many members of a specified demographic does it take to complete a particular task?

A finite quantity. One to complete the specific task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of persons from said demographic.

The person who invented autocorrect died recently.

May he roast in piss.

An average person tends to be a mean person

Math joke.

I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes...

My personal spell Czech.

In the Soviet Union there was a 10 year wait list

On cars. You had to collect the money and register 10 years in advance. A guy goes to register, makes the payment and the sales person asks him to get back after 10 years for the car. The guy asks "morning or afternoon?"

The sales person asks how does it matter -you're already waiting 10 years. The guy replies "because the plumber is visiting in the morning".

Old Soviet insider joke. Pardon any English mistakes.

Bob told me he could never kill an animal.

He's more of a people person.