Cat jokes

I accidentally took my cat's medication...

Don't ask meow.

What do you call a sex-offending cat?

a Purr-vert

Why was schrodinger's cat in trouble with the law?

I don't know, but he was wanted dead and alive.

A cat scratches at the gate to heaven to get in. St Peter opens the door.

He looks down at the cat and snarls “Egh, what is it now, in or out?!”

A mother asked her son to lose their cat somewhere in the jungle.

The boy obeyed. The boy returned home and reported to his mom.

Son: Mom! I led the cat far into the jungle. I even got lost!!

Mother: How were you able to come back home?

Son: I followed the cat.

Where do you find a Himalayan cat?

You’ll find him-a-layin on the couch

The wife told me the cat had to be chipped.

I only have a nine iron but i still got it over the shed

When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.

This phenomenon is known as many paws

What do you call an evil cat, who only lives to be an ass hole?

A cat.

There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast.

On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat.

After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”

“The cat is dead,” he replied coldly.

She cried out and said, “You could have said the cat is playing on the roof on the first day, and the next day, it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing’s dead!

No reply. The wife sighed sadly, “Anyways, how’s my mom?”

“She’s playing on the roof.”