Child jokes

What do you call children born in whorehouses?

Brothel sprouts.

I went to a child psychologist once.

He was rubbish. He was only seven.

A child asked Santa Claus

“How did your reindeer get their names?”

Santa replied, “I named them after memories, like pranced frolicking through the snow!”

“What about Donner?” the child asked.

A shadow settled on Santa’s face, and after a moment he began: “The year was 1847, and snowfall had trapped us in the Sierra Nevada ....”

Why was the anti-vaxxer's 5 year old child crying?

Midlife crisis

The pretty teacher was concerned with

one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love." the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"

I was brought up as an only child.

I enjoyed it, but it used to really piss off my sister.

A German couple has a baby...

For 4 years he makes no sound, does not speak. Then one day the mother gives him soup, he says “This soup is cold.” The parents are amazed and ask “If you can talk, why have you not spoken before?” The child replies “Up to now everything has been satisfactory!”

My wife recently became a crossing guard at our sons school.

She hates when I ask how the child trafficking is going.

My dad always tells me he never makes the same mistake twice.

That's why I am the only child.

I was thinking...

If a parent is trying to put his child to sleep and the child is refusing, wouldn’t it be illegal because technically the child is resisting a rest?

But then I realized it’s a lose-lose situation and it’s illegal either way because if the child willingly goes to sleep it makes it a kid napping.