Parents jokes

New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.

Students: OOF

Teacher: Is anyone missing?

Students: Your parents.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

What sexual position creates the ugliest kids?

Ask your parents

Unvaccinated kids have been found to have lower IQ's than vaccinated children.

Can't blame them, their parents are dumb as fuck.

There were two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge.

One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because when you were a baby, a petal fell on you." And then Fridge says "bllaaarrarararraraaarg".

Guy orders 11 shots at a bar

Bartender says "What are you celebrating?" Guys says "My first blowjob" Bartenders says "Congrats, but why 11 shots?" Guys says "I figured by the 11th the taste would be out of my mouth. "

First dirty joke I told my parents when I was 8. The punishment was worth it.

Yay got a PS5 for my kid.

She cried a bit when I left but I'm sure her new parents will love her.

Rorschach

Who is this Rorschach guy and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

A teenage girl was being intimate with her boyfriend at her parents house.

Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them.

"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry"

The dad being a dad replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!"

He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"

I’m trying to introduce my wife to my Scooby Doo sex fantasy.

I think it’s working, she said we should split up. She went to her parents house and I’m looking for clues in the garden.

Two boys argue over whose parents are better.

The first boy says, "My dad's better than your dad."

The other boy says, "Well, my mom is better than your mom."

The first boy pauses, "I guess you're right. My dad says the same thing."

If you were born in September

It's safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang !

Dad jokes and Yo Mama jokes seem like they'd be the same

But the difference is a parent.

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

Why does everyone assume that just because I’m a 40 year old loser that I live in my parent’s basement?

My parents don’t have a basement. I live in my bedroom like a big boy.

Dad: Son, you're adopted.

Son: Oh wow I wonder who my real parents are.

Dad: We are your real parents, your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.

Having gay parents must be wild

You either get twice the "dad" jokes or an endless loop of, "go ask your mother"

What do you call it when a kid teaches their parents?

Learning from your mistakes.

Gifted child!

My parents always said I was a gifted child. Turns out they meant someone left me on their doorstep in a box.

Why don’t you ever see any Transgender parents?

Because they’re Trans-Parent.