Counting jokes

How can you tell if your sperm count is high?

Your partner has to chew before they swallow.

Happy Cinco De Mayo. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three

He says "uno, dos..." then disappears without a tres.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek...

One day, Einstein, Newton, and Pascal meet up and decide to play a game of hide and seek. Einstein volunteered to be “It.” As Einstein counted, eyes closed, to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the floor around himself. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said “I found you Newton,” but Newton replied, “No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!”.

If you open a camp to help kids that have ADHD...

Does it count as a concentration camp?

A man goes to ask the great guru, "Which is better, large breasts or small breasts?"

The great guru asks him "How much money do you have in bills in your wallet?"

The man quickly counts the money. "Thirty dollars."

"And if you had thirty dollars in coins," said the guru, "which would have the greater mass- the coins or the bills?"

"The coins of course."

"But which would have the greater value?"

At this moment, the man was enlightened.

Does sex count?

Doctor: “Do you do sports?” Patient: “Does sex count?” Doctor: “Yes.” Patient: “Then no.”