Counting

I had a hen who could count her own eggs

She was a mathamachicken

Make the little things count

Teach math to midgets

I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees.

He counted and gave me 13.

“Sir, you gave me an extra”, I said.

“That’s a freebie.”

Bill Gates is pulled over by a police officer one night after his car is seen swerving on the highway

The police officer asks, "Have you had anything to drink tonight, sir?"

Bill says, "Absolutely not, officer."

The cop says, "Can you please count backwards from 10 for me?"

• ⁠

Bill replies, "10, 8, 7, Vista, XP, ME, 2000, NT, 98, 95, 3, 2, 1."

For her birthday I bought my wife new beads for her abacus.

It's the little things that count.

Dad called me a cunt

I always buy him socks for Xmas. I said, "you bastard, it's the thought that counts." I could tell by the look in his eyes he would have kicked my head in if he had legs

Why cant miss piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.

I finished with my ex girlfriend due to her obsession with counting.

I wonder what she's up to now.

A series of cow jokes

Q: What do you call a sleeping cow? A: A bull-dozer Q: How does a farmer count his cows? A: With a cowculator Q: Why do cows wear bells? A: Because their horns don't work Q: Why don't cows have money? A: The farmers milk them dry Q: What's a grumpy cow called? A: Moooody

A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97

So he rounded them up.

Genie: You have 3 wishes

...but no wish for more wishes, more genies, or more lamps, ha!

Me (being a smartass): I wish you were reaaaaally bad at counting.

Genie: Sure boy, you have zero wishes left.

They can no longer count animals in Afghanistan

Because there is a tally-ban

What do you call a former stripper turned mathematician?

The thot that counts.

I asked a kiwi how many sexual partners he had had...

He fell asleep counting.

Did you know vampires aren’t real?

Unless you Count Dracula.

Man to therapist : "I just fucked my fourth cousin."

Therapist : "Is that a problem for you?"

Man : "The problem is that I'm counting."

Your mama so ugly

Her blowjobs count as anal

The last time I saw my friend Peter he was counting. "75, 76, 77..." he said, as he began to walk away.

I don't know what he's up to now.

When I was a little kid, I had this friend that was always counting.

I wonder what he's up to these days.

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, my fingers because I can always count on them, my head for staying on top of things, my nuts for hanging in there, and my dick for standing up for me.

How can you tell if your sperm count is high?

Your partner has to chew before they swallow.

Happy Cinco De Mayo. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three

He says "uno, dos..." then disappears without a tres.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek...

One day, Einstein, Newton, and Pascal meet up and decide to play a game of hide and seek. Einstein volunteered to be “It.” As Einstein counted, eyes closed, to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the floor around himself. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said “I found you Newton,” but Newton replied, “No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!”.

If you open a camp to help kids that have ADHD...

Does it count as a concentration camp?

A man goes to ask the great guru, "Which is better, large breasts or small breasts?"

The great guru asks him "How much money do you have in bills in your wallet?"

The man quickly counts the money. "Thirty dollars."

"And if you had thirty dollars in coins," said the guru, "which would have the greater mass- the coins or the bills?"

"The coins of course."

"But which would have the greater value?"

At this moment, the man was enlightened.