Crush jokes

If your crush is single...

It is 1v20

If she is taken...

It is 1v1

Work smarter not harder

6 years ago i DMed my facebook crush telling her that I am going to take her out on a date. Today I asked her to marry me.

She said no both times and blocked me

I absolutely hate my job at the can crushing facility.

It's soda pressing.

I made a list of things I needed to do today

My crush then proceeded to roll a joint out of the paper I wrote it on.

Now she's high on my to-do list

The D.J. at a wedding reception yelled, "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year

Hers is in February and mine in July

My friend was just crushed by a bunch of books!

I guess he only has his shelf to blame

What's the difference between a lobster and a Japanese woman run over by a steamroller?

One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian.

Yesterday my crush told me that “I was like a brother to her” I was sad at first then I remember

She was from Alabama

Did you hear about the librarian that was killed in an earthquake?

She was crushed by a title wave.