A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
A doctor and an archeologist start flirting
After a while of the doctor asks: -“What do you do for a living” -“Im an archeologist” she answers The doctor responds: -“Then I guess this isnt going to work out, you will constantly be dating other people”
My mate set me up on a blind date.
He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."
I felt like a right idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!
6 years ago i DMed my facebook crush telling her that I am going to take her out on a date. Today I asked her to marry me.
She said no both times and blocked me
I was set up on a blind date the other day by my friend, as I was getting ready he said "heads up, she's expecting a baby"
Now I feel pretty daft sitting in this restaurant wearing a diaper
Recently started dating a chinese girl but not sure if I want to keep going.
She’s been raising a lot of red flags.
I once dated a girl who told me she had had sex with Mr. Peanut.
She was fucking nuts.
A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl...
...that means no sex before marriage. But he does not care, he loves her. After a year of dating he decides its time to propose to her. So he heads to her father's house to ask for his blessing.
‟Hello, sir, I am here to ask for your daughter's hand”
A bit skeptical and looking to see if he really does love her, the father asks ‟And why is that?”
The guy lets out a long drawn out sigh... ‟Well, its just that mine have gotten tired.”
I once dated a girl with a twin. People asked me how I could tell them apart
It was simple.
Jill painted her nails purple and Bob had a cock.
I met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit...
Next week we're going to go on a date
Have you heard of Y2K jelly?
It allows you to insert four digits into your date where you could previously only fit two.
What does a Blue Whale do on a date?
Netflix and Krill.
My tinder date invited me back to her house tonight, and while she was in the bathroom, I had a cheeky look in her wardrobe. Inside, there was a nurse outfit, a police woman's uniform and a full dominatrix bodysuit, so I quickly pulled on my pants and snuck out of there.
I don't want a girlfriend who can't hold down a job.
Last week Oxygen took potassium on a date and it was just OK
Then yesterday I saw Oxygen with a date with Magnesium and I was like OMg
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling. ~ Michael Kosta
I know taking your date to a forest isn't what everyone does...
But I'm into sappy stuff like that.
What is a pirates nightmare date?
A girl with a sunken chest and no booty
There are a lot of double standards in dating. Like if a girl has sex with a bunch of dudes, she called a "slut."
If I do it, I'm called a "homosexual."
I used to date a girl who had one leg and worked at a brewery...
She was in charge of the hops...
I dated an African girl....
we just clicked
I hate meeting dads.
That's why I only date black girls.
What’s the best part about dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere
What can Donald Trump and I both agree on?
That if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I would date her.
I met a girl at a bar who told me that she only dates men with 7inch dick.
Bitch I'm not going to cut 3 inches for you.
My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father.
But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.