Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car
Guy (angry) : Do you know who I am?
Mark : Yes, you are Scott Thomas, you have 237 friends out of which 37 are females and your wife doesn't know 12 of them. Last holiday you went to Thailand and there you . . .
Guy : Leave it bro, it was my fault.
My wife says that I only have 2 major faults
I don't listen, and something else
"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor...
"Screw you" she screamed back at me.
Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!
As a plumber's assistant, I'm always being ordered around... "Stop that dripping, plug that leak, for God's sake... turn off the water works!"
It's not my fault, I'm just an emotional guy.
A police man searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs.
"its not my fault", I said, "Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again."
"Do you really expect me to believe that?" he said
I said, "I'll Prove it to you if you want me to!"
"Go on than." he smiled, handing me the bag.
After flushing them, he looked at me and said,
"Well, show me your pocket than."
"What for?" I asked
He said, "The drugs."
I said, "What drugs?"
I farted in an Apple store and everyone got pissed
It’s not my fault they don’t have Windows!
one tectonic plated bumped into another...
"Sorry my fault"
My buddy told me he always cries after sex.....
I told him it was his fault for getting sent to prison in the first place
My ex hated when I started dating her twin sister.
Like it's my fault they're conjoined.