Grandpa jokes

My grandpa just walked into the room with a guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.

I said, “Who is this guy?”

Grandpa: My hip replacement.

My grandpa got a prescription for Viagra.

Grandma's taking it pretty hard.

“Mommy, why is Grandpa running in zigzags?”

“Don’t question it, child. Just reload.”

"Son, I found a condom in your room."

"Gee thanks, grandpa."

"Why are you calling me grandpa?"

"Because I didn't find it yeterday."

Grandpa joke: What becomes shorter when you add 2 letters?

Short

Grandpa: You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table. Me: And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you clown!"

Little Tony was sitting at a park bench eating candy bars. Sitting across from him on anither bench is a man. He walks over to Little Tony and says

"Don't you know you're gonna get fat eating that many candy bars?"

Little Tony says "Well my grandpa lived to be one hundred and four."

The man said "really, by eating six candy bars at a time?

Little Tony shakes his head and says

"No, he minded his own fucking business!"

My grandpa returned from the war with one leg.

We still don't know to whom that leg belonged.

During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots.

He was the crappiest mechanic the Luftwaffe ever recruited.

My grandpa's favorite joke

This works better in my native language, but I am going to do my best to try to translate it effectively.

At the end of a good day's work, an accountant goes home and announces proudly to his wife "Honey, I missed the bus today but I saved $2 by chasing after it all the way home! "

His wife fixes him with a look of pure contempt and says "You fool!! You could have saved $75 if you'd only chased after a cab."