Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car
Guy (angry) : Do you know who I am?
Mark : Yes, you are Scott Thomas, you have 237 friends out of which 37 are females and your wife doesn't know 12 of them. Last holiday you went to Thailand and there you . . .
Guy : Leave it bro, it was my fault.
I wanted to volunteer and do something good this holiday season...
So I helped these dyslexic kids write letters to Satan.
My friend went on holiday to Havana...
...and asked me what gift I would like him to get for me. I said get me "something Cuban", but he got me a Che Guevara t shirt.
Clothes, but no cigar.
Pavlov's dogs have started a charity for the holidays...
It's called "The Salivation Army"
What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday? Christmas because everything is hanging.
My wife called me from her work today and said, "Three of the girls in my office just got some flowers for the holidays. They're absolutely gorgeous!" I muttered...
"That's probably why they got flowers then..."
My wife told me "Sex is better on holiday"
That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.