A country boy gets accepted into Harvard.
He can’t find the library, so he finds another student on campus.
“Excuse me, do you know where the library is at?”
The student looks at the country boy disapprovingly and says,
“My good sir, here at Harvard we don’t end our sentences with prepositions.”
The country boy replies,
“My apologies. Do you know where the library is at, asshole?”
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She leaned over and whispered, "They're right behind you. . ."
My wife asked why I keep my guns in the library.
I said it's for shelf-defense.
So I was at the Library today
.. And a black Gentleman came over to me and asked where the coloured printer was. I replied "Man its 2016 you can use any printer!"
My local library refuses to stock how-to books about suicide.
They used to, but the decent ones were never returned.
A blonde walks into a library
and says to the librarian,"I'll have a cheese burger." the librarian replies softly says,"Sweety, this is a library." the blonde whispers,"Oh. Sorry, I'll have a cheese burger."
A Texan got accepted to Harvard
A week before classes started, he decided to tour the campus to see where everything was. After a while he got lost, so he went up to a professor and asked "Do you know where the library's at?"
The professor replies, "Sorry, here at Harvard we don't end our sentences with prepositions."
After a few seconds of thinking, the Texan asks, "Where's the library at, asshole?"
I called the library to try to make a reservation...
But they said they were fully booked.
I walked into a library.
I said, "Have you got any books on..."
"Telepathy?"
"Yes."
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Hello, I'd like a hamburger please."
The librarian says, "Sir, this is a library."
The man apologizes, then whispers ^"I'd ^like ^a ^hamburger ^please."
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off; you won't bring it back!"
The wife was nagging me for ages to put a shelf up in the front room, but as I am shit at DIY I thought that I should get some advice.
So I went to the library and asked the woman there, "do you have any books on shelves?"
You wanna know why I got kicked out of the library?
I moved all of the women's rights books to the fiction section.
In breaking news, Trump’s personal library has burned down.
The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn’t even finished coloring the second one.