A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell.
They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a
policeman.
“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.
“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”
“Well,” said the man, “to tell the truth neither did I until you flashed that light
on her face.”
She dimmed the lights. She leaned in. She looked straight into my eyes.
I kissed her.
And now I am arrested by the police for misbehaving with the optician.
How many politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it in and another to show his dick to an intern once the light's on.
I crashed into a dwarf at some traffic lights
He got out of his car and said "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
I have created the only non-racist Chinese joke.
So I went to Chinatown today. There were too many bright lights. I asked them to dim sum.
A photon walks into a hotel
The clerk asks "do you have any bags we can help you with?"
Photon says "naw dawg, I'm travelin' light"
My girlfriend's dad just gave me the green light.
Which was very generous, but I don't find him sexy.
I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday.
Not a great gift I know, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.
A new study found
that people who take their coffee black are more likely to exhibit psychopathic traits..
And people who order a quad shot, non-fat, vanilla soy, extra foam, light whip with caramel drizzle are more likely to be their victims..
