Monkey jokes

Two monkeys entered a bath.

Monkey 1: Oooh oooh oooh aaah aaah aaah

Monkey 2: Calm down, it isn't that hot

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, “Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, “the driver just insulted me!”

The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

One day a girl realised she was growing hair between her legs

She asked her mom what it was and her mom replied back 'the part where the hair is growing is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey is growing hair'

During dinner she told her sister that her monkey had grown hair and the sister replied 'that's nothing, mine is already eating bananas'

What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?

Prime mates.

A guys walks into a bar...

...and sits down at the bar. He orders a whiskey and begins to drink. He looks up and notices a monkey.

"What's with the monkey?" he asks the barkeep.

"Well, watch this." The bartender pulls a stick from behind the bar and whacks the monkey. The monkey climbs down and gives the bartender a blowjob.

"Wanna give it a try?" the bartender asks the man.

"Sure. Just don't hit me so hard with stick!"

where do babies come from

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

If you think about it, humans eat more bananas than monkeys

I mean have *you* ever eaten a monkey?

The Telemarketer

A telemarketer is making calls when a gentleman answers. "Good evening sir, how are you? I am calling today to--" when the man who answers interrupts him. He said, "Hold on now, first *I* have some questions for *you*." Amused, the telemarketer allows him to ask the questions. The man asks "What has a 2 inch penis, and hangs down?" The telemarketer replies "I give up, what?" The man says, "A monkey!... now what has a 9 inch penis, and hangs up?" The telemarketer says, "I don't know.."

--CLICK--