Myself jokes

Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!

A man comes to a carpet store and says:

“I need a rug.”

“Why so gloomy, pal? Are you going to wrap a body in it, eh?”

“I need two rugs.”

Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl.

"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"

"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

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