Myself jokes

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What do Jesus and floppy discs have in common?

They died to become the icon of saving.

Who rings a doorbell three times? Indiends aring aging aging

A snake walks in to a bar...

Barman says "you can't do that"!

"My husband is such a pig. All I asked for was $100 for the beauty salon..."

"He took a long look at me and gave me $300"

A guy gets a call from his Doctor...

The Doctor says "I have your test results back. I've got bad news and worse news."

The guy says "What's the bad news?"

The Doctor says "You have 24 hours to live."

The guy says "That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"

The Doctor says "I forgot to call you yesterday."

What size soda does Kim Jong-Un buy at 7-11?

A supreme liter.

What is Neil Armstrong's favorite key on the keyboard?

The SPACE BAR of course!!!!

My ten year old came up with that doozy :)

My 28yo wife asked me how old does she look

Apparently, 42 is not the answer to everything

What's the difference between the Titanic and Kim Kardashian?

The number of people who rode the Titanic is known.

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."