Object

My best friend and I just started a business where we weigh microscopic objects.

It’s ..a small scale operation.

My wife said she would leave me if I kept pointing at inanimate objects...

I said “there’s the door”

A geologist and his intern

A geologist and his clueless intern are outside examining hundreds of specimens retrieved from an old dig site. The intern gets excited when he finds an interestingly shaped object. He rushes over to the geologist and says, "Hey, what kind of mineral is this?"

The geologist takes it and looks it over. He smiles and says, "Good find, that's leaverite."

The intern, with a big grin, says, "Wow! Really?"

The geologist replies, "Yeah, leaverite there. It's just a fucking rock."

I have a friend who is sexually attracted to inanimate objects.

I don't see him much though. He always has stuff to do.

Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?

Because lightning strikes the highest object.