Reading jokes

Maybe if we all emailed the Constitution to each other...

...the NSA will finally read it.

I've just been reading that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it's raining in Sweden.

And I'm thinking,

"Who the fuck's going to let me know when it's raining in Sweden?"

If “#” is often read as “pound,”

then perhaps we should rethink the title of the #metoo movement.

Two communists are sitting together at a nudist colony.

One turns to the other and asks “Have you read Marx?” The second replies “yes, it’s these damn wicker chairs!”

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters

' Z A S T R Z E Z Y N S K I '

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

A horse walks into a bar.

“Hey," says the bartender.

The horse neighs excitedly and says, “My friend, you read my mind!"

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

Two homeless guys were sitting with a sign pointing to one of the guys that reads, "I bet you $2 you can't hit John with a quarter".

A man flicked a quarter at him, and hit him. When the man asked for his $2 for hitting him the homeless guy replied, "you didn't hit john. This here is David".

What i If told you:

You read the title wrong.

It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach!

A human hair can hold 3kg.

The length of the penis is three times the length of the thumb.

The femur is as hard as concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

Women blink twice as much as men.

We use 300 muscle's just to keep our balance when we stand.

The woman has read this entire text.

The man is still looking at his thumb.

The English language

If you ever think English is not a shit language, just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme, but read and lead don't rhyme and neither do read and lead.

Make your Betsy DeVos jokes soon..

While people can still read

Whats the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again....

To Generiquai and everybody reading this, I would just like you to know I obviously didn't make this up. Just remembered it from a few years back and thought it was funny. Whoever made it up I give you all the credit. Thanks for checking it out!

Facebook is set to release its own webmail client...

...emails will be flagged as "Mark has read"