Roof jokes

Last night, I was laying in my bed, looking up the stars as I thought to my self..

Where the fuck is my roof??

What’s the cheapest part of a house?

The roof tiles, because they’re on the house.

Topless carwash

So these kids in school are trying to find new ways to raise money. They suggest a few ideas, all of which are shot down by their teacher. Finally a kid says ‘I get it! We should do a topless carwash!’

Very carefully, the teacher asks: ‘what do you mean?’

The kid says, ‘well, we can’t reach the roofs of the cars, so we will just do the sides and the front and back’

Wonder Woman

Superman and Flash are on the roof of a tall building, and they see Wonder Woman, naked, with her legs wide open, on the roof of the building next door.

Flash says to Superman, "I bet I could run over to her, have sex with her, and run off before she notices me." Superman agrees, and Flash runs over, has rough and fast sex with her, and runs off.

Wonder Woman feels a breeze and goes, "What the hell was that?" and the Invisible Man goes, "I don't know, but damn does my ass hurt."

A man is about to commit suicide my jumping of the roof of his house

(Yoda pops up for suicide rescue)

Yoda:- Jump..

(Man falls to his death)

Yoda:- you must not...

I just got back from the funeral of my 82 year old neighbour who died after falling off his roof when fixing his TV antenna.

The funeral was sad, but the reception was excellent.

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Profits are going through the roof.

Isaac Newton: *slaps roof of car*

Car roof: *slaps Isaac Newton*

I just opened an explosive prayer mat business.

Prophets are through the roof.

I used to be so lonely, so I glued a coffee cup to the roof of my car

Now wherever I go, everyone waves to me

In Tribute

Boy: I'll bet you a dollar my dog can talk

Man: you're on

Boy: how does sandpaper feel?

Dog: Ruff!

Boy: what's on top of a house?

Dog: Roof!

Boy: who's the greatest ballplayer ever?

Dog: Ruth!

Man: come on! I ain't payin' for that, get out of here!

* Boy and dog walk away *

Dog to boy: should I have said Hank Aaron?

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat.

After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”

“The cat is dead,” he replied coldly.

She cried out and said, “You could have said the cat is playing on the roof on the first day, and the next day, it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing’s dead!

No reply. The wife sighed sadly, “Anyways, how’s my mom?”

“She’s playing on the roof.”

As I laid in bed looking up at the night sky, I pondered to myself...

What the hell happened to my roof?