So there's these two beavers...
one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks.
Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks."
Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says
"JOE THATS A NON STICK PAN"
What's the difference between a little kid and a lesbian?
A little kid shouldn't run with scissors and a lesbian shouldn't scissor with the runs
What's the difference between a lobster and a Japanese woman run over by a steamroller?
One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian.
Ugh. They stopped selling "skin color" Crayons.
I guess I can still draw people when my Crayons run out, but albino more.
Go away bee, don't bother me.
A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don't swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it, because seeing is believing.
A pimp opened a whore house...
But he didn't have any girls so he had to run it by hand.
What should you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, there's a live grenade in her mouth.
A man misses the bus...
A man on the way home just misses the bus. He runs after it in the hope to catch it, but ends up running all the way to his home.
There he tells his wife : Honey, I did something great today. I saved 3€ by running after the bus.
She responds: Stupid you. You should have been running after the taxi instead to save even more money.
I am absolutely exhausted from my French self-defense class.
I've never run so far in my life.
What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.
These bloody "Among Us" jokes have really run their course!
Sorry, I just had to vent.
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.
Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
Albert Einstein was running 20 minutes late as a guest speaker at a science conference.
He finally arrived apologizing profusely.
Einstein: "I am so terribly sorry you all had to wait. Anyway, here's my presentation."
Host: "It's about time."
Einstein: "And space!"
Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.
They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.
Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"
Does anyone else realize that baseball is actually illegal?
Hit and run is a felony.
An old man doesn't feel well...
So he and his wife go to the doctors office. When they meet with the doctor he says "We need to do a full workup and run some tests. I'm going to need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample". The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and says "eh?". His wife just rolls her eyes and says "Frank, just give him your underwear!"
I'm a 21-year-old multimillionaire. Here's how I did it.
1. I get up at 5:00 AM every day 2. I run for an hour before breakfast 3. Afterward, I take a cold shower to wake me up. 4. Journaling is key. You never know when you might need to remember something. 5. Always write down an appointment as soon as you get it. 6. My dad owns a Fortune 500 company. 7. I meditate every day