Run jokes

To the wheelchair-bound thief who took my camouflage jacket: You can hide, but you can't run.

My wife keeps trying to give me a blowjob while on the treadmill

Its the worst running gag of all time

Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball when suddenly a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says.

He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either."

He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.

"Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."

What worse than two girls running with scissors?

Two girls scissoring with the runs.

To determine a rabbit's sex from afar, try sneaking up on them and shouting: if he runs, it's a boy.

If *she* runs, it's a girl.

Two black guys are walking down the road when they are run over by a drunk-driving cop...

The first guy went through the windshield and the second guy was thrown 50 feet and landed in the ditch.

The first black guy was charged with breaking and entering, and the second guy was charged with leaving the scene of an accident.

A close call.

Yesterday I was walking on the streets in my hometown Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. I was about to go to the grocery store when I saw a black man running with a TV. I was afraid of it being mine, so I ran home as quick as possible, but luckily mine was still there, polishing my shoes.

Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.

So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes another sip and his legs pop out.

The boy is really happy and he runs outside in excitement and he's hit by an oncoming truck and killed instantly.

"What a shame" his dad said.

"He should have quit while he was ahead"

Three Nuns sitting on a park bench

When a man runs up and flashes them.

Two of them have a stroke... The other one can't reach.

Every morning at breakfast for the past year 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.

It’s my longest running joke of the year.

Why was Cinderella kicked off the basketball team?

She kept running away from the ball.

A woman calls 911 and paramedics rush her unconscious husband to the hospital She limps into the ER as the nurses wheel him in on a stretcher,

his enormous erection clearly visible under the sheet. The doctor runs some tests and says to her "Ma'am, it appears your husband overdosed on Viagra and is in a coma. How long has he been like this?"

"About 4 days" she replies

"4 days?! Why did you wait until now to get help?"

"I ran out of lube this morning"

A fish runs into a wall...

"Dam!"

Guy runs into a bar, yells "Quick! How tall is a penguin?"

Bartender says "Three feet tall."

Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"

At the gym

I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, “Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.

A woman places an ad looking for a man to be her lover

The ad reads: "Looking for a man with 3 qualities: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed."

A few days later her doorbell rings. The man says, "Hi, I’m Dave. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no feet so I won’t run away."

"What makes you think you're great in bed?" the woman retorts.

Dave replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?"

What’s the difference between a refrigerator and a black man?

A refrigerator doesn’t get shot for running

A software tester walks into a bar.

Runs into a bar.

Crawls into a bar.

Dances into a bar.

Flies into a bar.

Jumps into a bar.

And orders:

a beer.

2 beers.

0 beers.

99999999 beers.

a lizard in a beer glass.

\-1 beer.

"qwertyuiop" beers.

Testing complete.

A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.

The bar goes up in flames.

Why can't you run through a camp ground?

You can only ran, because it's past tents.