We were at a family dinner last night, and at one point my Uncle Bob stood up and declared, “I’m gay and I don’t care who knows it!”
He must have been really drunk, because he’s been married to my Uncle Tony for six years now.
•••
Happy National Coming Out Day!
A goat, a drum, and a rattlesnake fall down a cliff...
ba dum tss
Why are steak puns so rare?
Because they are never well done.
Apparently 1/3 of people in a relationship are unfaithful
I’ve just gotta figure out if it’s my wife or my girlfriend
What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?
A drunk driver will run the stop sign. A stoned driver will stop and wait for the sign to turn green.
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
3.
His left ear.
His right ear.
And the final frontier.
Dad called me a cunt
I always buy him socks for Xmas. I said, "you bastard, it's the thought that counts." I could tell by the look in his eyes he would have kicked my head in if he had legs
Two condoms walk past a gay bar
One says to the other "what do you say we go in there and get shit-faced?"
What's the hardest tea to swallow
Reality
I had a nightmare that my TikTok account got banned
For a second, i was really scared that i had TikTok
I just swallowed a mood ring.
Not quite sure how I feel about it...
What does Lebron James do after winning the NBA Championship?
He turns off his Xbox.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face
Because its the scenter
I used to like Mitch Hedberg
I still do, but I used to too
Why are transgender people rarely seen with their children?
Because they're transparent.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Philippe Philoppe.
What do you call it when cats rebel?
Mew-tiny!
I’ll admit that Chinese kids in math class are pretty smart
But doing it with their eyes closed... that’s a bit cocky
If I got a dollar everytime someone called me a racist
Black people would rob me
Where do Asian neckbeards come from?
M'laysia