Blood jokes

I discovered red crayons in my girlfriends nurse uniform.

She said it's in case she has to draw blood.

My son made it through a blood transfusion, so I bought him a 50′′ HDTV...

He loves his new plasma...

Me: When I donate my blood

I do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me.

Receptionist: Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way.

My wife said my stew was too salty, was far too watery and left her with a strange metallic after taste.

Bitch... I put my blood, sweat and tears into that dish.

What did the vampire say after drinking the donkey's blood?

Tastes like ass.

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.

My cousin died last week; he needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

I absolutely hate donating blood. As soon as you walk through the door you get bombarded with questions.

I absolutely hate when they ask “Where did you get it?” “Why is it in a bucket?”

A monk, priest, and rabbit walk into a blood bank...

The rabbit turns to the other two and says, “I think I’m a type-O.”

My only form of income is donating blood

It's sucking the life out of me

What does violent diarrhoea and a bar fight have in common?

Blood on your stool

Why are sperm donations worth more than blood donations?

Because they’re made by hand

Bank on it..

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $20."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.

The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

My dad died recently.

He was in an accident and lost a lot of blood but nobody knew his blood-type.

I’ll never forget his inspirational last words,

“Be positive”.

Women are like the salt of my life

They raise my blood pressure