A guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging on the wall.
He sits down and asks the bartender what the deal is with the meat. Bartender says the deal is if you want a free drink you gotta jump up and touch the meat but if you miss, you buy a round for the bar. The guy takes another look at the meat and the bartender asks if he's in. No, says the guy the steaks are too high.
Why are steak puns so rare?
Because they are never well done.
I bet the butcher the other day that he couldn’t reach the meat that was on the top shelf
He refused to take the bet, saying that the steaks were too high.
David Cameron
Went to his local butcher. He asked the butcher for a steak. The butcher asked "what is your favourite cut?", David replied, "the public sector".
I have my steaks like I have sex!
Very rare.
How does a cat like its steak cooked...
Raaaaaaaare.
I know I know. Dad joke but I'm desperate for some love since it's my birthday.
Waiter: "How would you like your steak sir?"
Me: "Medium?"
Medium: "I can see it, he wants it well done"
A man walks into a bar, and the second he does, the bartender tells him of a bet.
He says, "You see that meat on the ceiling? You have three tries to grab it. If you grab it within three tries, you get free drinks for life. If you don't, you've got to buy the whole bar a round."
The man contemplates for a while, but eventually answers. "Nah, I'll pass. The steaks are too high."
I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"
Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.
A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go to a restaurant in London
The waiter tells them, "Excuse me -- if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad cow disease." The Texan says, "What's a shortage?" The Russian says, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me'?"
Businessman walks into a motel/brothel. Ask the lady working the front desk...I'd like a room and for an extra $500, I want your oldest, fattest, meanest, boring in bed woman and a bologna sandwich. The receptionist looks at him confused and says for that price we could get you our youngest, kindest, skinniest, kinkiest girl and a steak dinner with all the trimmings. The man replys ma'am you don't understand me...I'm homesick.