Student jokes

Teacher

Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: My dad is in the hospital

*1 week later*

Teacher: Is your dad still in the hospital?

Student: Yes, he is a doctor

Pdf file

What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?

A PDF File.

Teacher

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

Group

A group of Engineering professors were invited to fly in a plane.

Right after they were comfortably seated, they were informed the plane was built by their students.

All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the exits in maniacal panic.

The one lone professor that stayed put, calmly in his seat, was asked: “Why did you stay put?”

“I have plenty of confidence in my students. Knowing them, I for a fact can assure you this piece of shit plane will never even start”

School

A school finally decided it's ok to show their students a documentary about menstrual cycles.

It was about bloody time.

Teacher

Teacher: "‌‌Use t‌‌he w‌‌ord '‌‌centimeter' i‌‌n a‌‌ s‌‌entence"

Student: "‌‌My g‌‌randma w‌‌as a‌‌rriving a‌‌t t‌‌he t‌‌rain s‌‌tation s‌‌o i‌‌ w‌‌as c‌‌entimeter."

Teacher: "‌‌No, n‌‌o, t‌‌hat's '‌‌Sent t‌‌o m‌‌eet h‌‌er'. O‌‌kay, t‌‌ry a‌‌nother o‌‌ne. U‌‌se '‌‌contagious' i‌‌n a‌‌ s‌‌entence p‌‌lease."

Student: "‌‌I h‌‌ad t‌‌o w‌‌ait a‌‌t t‌‌he t‌‌rain s‌‌tation f‌‌or h‌‌ours b‌‌ecause i‌‌t t‌‌ook t‌‌hat c‌‌ontagious!"

Colleague

"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague.

"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

Professor

A professor asks a graduate student what he's working on these days.

"I'm writing a thesis on the survival of the class system in America," the student said.

"Oh, that's interesting. I didn't know there was a class system in America."

"No one does. That's how it survives."

Test

A student got home from school and his mum asked him how the test went.

He said it was easy but one question held him up. The mother asked what the question was. " They asked what the past tense of think was" the boy answered. "So what did you write?" the mother asked.

"I thought and thought and thought until I finally wrote thinked"! The boy replied.

Teacher: "Kids,what does the little chicken give you?" Student: "Eggs!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the squealy pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"

Sentence

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". Student: I is the.... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Alabama is canceling home schooling.

Apparently too many teachers were having sex with the students.