Group jokes

They say in every friend group there is 1 willing to commit murder

I killed the guy I suspected most before he could do any harm .

A group of blondes walk into a bar,

all of them chanting "Twenty-four days! Twenty-four days!" They got a table and continued to yell "Twenty-four days! Twenty-four days!" They started hooting and high-fiving each other as well. Intrigued, the bartender walks over to the table and sees a finished child's puzzle with Sesame Street's Elmo on it. "What are we celebrating?" asks the bartender.

"We finished this puzzle in twenty-four days," said one of the blondes,"but the box label said '3 to 5 years'!"

Why do Americans take a gun while they go fishing ?

Cause groups of fish are called schools

A group of introverts is called an oxymoron

Please help me

Why did Soviet policemen always walk around in groups of three?

One could read, and was needed to read ID documents in case of an arrest.

One could write, and was needed to write down the names for punishment.

The third one was needed to keep an eye on these two dangerous intellectuals.

I went to the Premature Ejaculators Anonymous support group today.

Turns out it's tomorrow.

Erectile disfunction support group has been cancelled

Nobody could come

What do you call an emo a capella group?

Self harmony

Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3?

The signs say "no trespassing"

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.

I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.

A group of chess enthusiasts check into a hotel...

They stand in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager comes out of his office and asks them to disperse. "But why?" they asked as they move off. "Because," he says, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

What do you call a group of crows who see food?

A tempted murder.

I'll see myself out now.

Why do koi always swim in groups of 4?

So that while the A koi, B koi and C koi escape the predator will always go for the D koi

A group of Engineering professors were invited to fly in a plane.

Right after they were comfortably seated, they were informed the plane was built by their students.

All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the exits in maniacal panic.

The one lone professor that stayed put, calmly in his seat, was asked: “Why did you stay put?”

“I have plenty of confidence in my students. Knowing them, I for a fact can assure you this piece of shit plane will never even start”

My friend always tells everyone that he's a private investigator,

but within our group of friends we know he's just a gynecologist.

My scientist wife decided to test the hypothesis that more sex would improve our marriage. It's already been a week, and I've concluded...

that I'm in the control group.

Most people are assholes. Don't believe me?

Next time you see a group of people, yell out "hey, asshole!"

All of them will turn and look.

What rock group has four men that don't sing?

Mount rushmore