There jokes

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive...

They would eventually find me attractive.

Did you hear about the lumberjack who got a promotion?

Now he's a branch manager.

What do you call a cow pleasuring itself?

Beef Strokinoff

Special Hand Job

Getting a hand job from a chick is like watching the special Olympics...

You keep cheering them on but deep down inside you know you can do better...

Help! I made my computer racist!

I accidentally pressed alt-right.

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

My next vowel movement could spell disaster.

A guy and a girl are in the same programming class..

Out of nowhere, the guy reaches over and grabs the girl's breast.

Disturbed, the girl looks at the guy and says "What are you doing!? Those are private!"

He only states "How is that? We're in the same class."

My wife just walked in on me blow drying my penis, she looked confused and asked me what I was doing. I now know heating your dinner isn't the right answer

Got in trouble at a gender reveal party today

Apparently pulling my pants down is not what they had in mind.

i have a lot of respect for trans women

that surgery takes balls!

A Polish guy goes to the eye doctor

The doctor holds up a chart: K Z S Y X W K P G and asks the man if he can read it. "Read it?" he says, "I *know* the guy!"

Someone broke into my house and stole 20% of my couch.

Who the fuck does that.

How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all your booze?

Invite two of them!!

Buck was selling his car and and girl name Kelly was interested in buying it. He said it’s $4,000. She thought a minute and said, “How about $3000 and a blow job?” He said that sounds great . . .

He was happy he got the Kelly Blew Buck price.

Best Computer Science Joke!

A man and woman are in a computer programming lecture. The man touches the woman's breasts. "Hey!" she says. "Those are private!" The man says, "But we're in the same class!"

Boxers or Briefs, Mr. President?

In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"

In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.

Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depends".

I find abortion to be a difficult topic.

On one hand, i am for killing babies. But on the other hand, i don't want to give woman any more rights.

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses." -

You wanna know why I got kicked out of the library?

I moved all of the women's rights books to the fiction section.

They say when you shave it grows back thicker.

Can't wait to see my new cock.