So a man is walking a penguin down the street on a lead. A policeman sees him and stops the man.
The policeman says, "what are you doing?! Take that penguin to the zoo!"
A week later, the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.
He says, "hey, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"
The man replies: "I did! He loved it! We're going to the theme park tomorrow!"
Extreme Sexual Exhaustion
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
A man lost his penis in a car accident...
He's obviously devastated. Although a lawsuit after the accident wins him £9000. During a check up with the doctor he is offered an experimental procedure. They can read build his penis at the price of £1000 per inch. Extatic, he tells the doctor he will discuss it with his wife and return tomorrow with an answer. The next day comes round and the doctor asks what the decision is. The man replies dejected "we are getting a new kitchen".
I went to the Premature Ejaculators Anonymous support group today.
Turns out it's tomorrow.
How do you keep a fool waiting?
I’ll tell you tomorrow.
Mom: "How was school today, Noah?"
Noah: "It was awesome! Today we made explosives!"
Mom: "Very interesting. What will you do in school tomorrow?"
Noah: "What school?"
My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.
Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.
The teacher asked Little jimmy, “if I give you 4 cats today and 2 more tomorrow, how many cats will you have?” Little Jimmy said, “Seven” The teacher said, “no Jimmy, four plus two equals six. Why did you say seven?
Little Jimmy said, because I already have a cat!”
I am driving through England currently and plan to be in Greenwich tomorrow.
Not too sure what to do in The Mean Time.
I told my husband I was going to weight training tomorrow...
He said hold on, just hold on a sec, hold on a little longer. Then he said “I’m giving you wait training now”
That literally just happened.
"I'll do whatever I can for my constituents"
A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
"We have two big needs," said the village headman. "First, we have a hospital but no doctor."
The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while, and then said, "I have it sorted out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?"
"We have no cellphone reception at all in our village."
It's been raining for 3 days without stopping. My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window.
If the rain doesn't stop tomorrow, I'll have to let her in.
A cute girl at work said she'd only go on a date with me on a day that doesn't end in 'Y'
I said "Great! I'll pick you up tomorrow!"
Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight?
Girl: I have a boyfriend.
Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow.
Girl: What does that have to do with anything?
Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.
Hi, I would like to book a doctors appointment please....
Receptionist: Sure thing, How about 11 tomorrow?
Man: No thanks, just one will be fine.