A tourist goes to see Beethoven's grave in Austria
And, to his shock, he sees the great musician seated next to his grave, erasing pieces of paper with his symphonies written on them.
The tour guide leans over to his visibly startled guest and says, "Don't worry, he does this all the time. He's decomposing."
The Masturbating Mime
Police in Paris have finally caught the elusive mime known for masturbating in public and harassing tourists. In a statement, Police Chief claims "he came quietly"
65,000,011 years ago
Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."
A tourist is in Russia and they see a frail little babushka sitting in front of her house, smoking a cigarette and drinking vodka.
So he stops and asks her: "Excuse me, but are you celebrating something?"
"No, I drink a few bottles of vodka every day. Always have."
"Amazing. And the cigarettes?"
"At least four packs a day, since I was a little girl."
"That's amazing! May I ask, how old are you?"
"Twenty-five".
A German tourist jumped into the water to save my dog who was drowning, after he climbed out he passed me the dog and said “here is ze dog keep him warm and dry him off and he vill he fine”.
I said “are you a vet?” He replied “Vet?...I’m fucking soaking.”
A German tourist comes to France
...a border control asks him
"Occupation?"
German: No just visiting.
A Polish police officer pulls over a German tourist.
Officer: Good day, license and registration, please.
The tourist gives his license and registration to the police officer.
Officer: What is your age?
Tourist: 31 years old.
Officer: Occupation?
Tourist: No, just visiting.