Umbrella jokes

‟GIVE IT TO ME” she yelled ‟Oh my God I am so wet!!”

She could scream all she wants I was keeping the umbrella

My wife didn’t understand why the Umbrella salesman was being so vague.

I had to remind her it’s a shady business.

"I'm so wet!" She yelled. "Give it to me right now!"

But I didn't care how many times she asked, she wasn't getting my umbrella.

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday.

That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

An 84 year old man to his doctor: My 24 year old wife is pregnant. Your opinion doctor?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story:

There was once a man with an umbrella walking through a forested area. Suddenly a leopard jumped in front of him. Too scared to do anything, the man holds up his umbrella against the leopard and tries to shoot. A loud bang is heard and the leopard dies on the spot.

Old man: That's impossible, somebody else must have shot the leopard!

Doctor: Exactly my point!

Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but I always wear contraception and the rubber never breaks

Doctor: Let me tell you a story, there once was a hunter who always carried a gun with him. But one day he forgot his gun and brought an umbrella with him instead (cause it was raining). Then a lion jumped at him but he shot it with the umbrella

Guy: Nonsense, someone else must have shot the lion!

Doctor: Ahh, so you understood my story. Next!

My girlfriend was shouting “Give it to me now! I’m so fucking wet!”

I simply told her “This umbrella is mine. Go get your own.”