Uncle

I'm sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice. .

My gondolences

We were at a family dinner last night, and at one point my Uncle Bob stood up and declared, “I’m gay and I don’t care who knows it!”

He must have been really drunk, because he’s been married to my Uncle Tony for six years now.

•••

Happy National Coming Out Day!

Little Timmy was annoyed by his father

because whenever he was ahead in an argument, his father would just say - Whatever dude, I fucked your mum.

And he couldn't think of a good comeback, so he asked his Uncle Jim for help.

Uncle Jim said - Well, next time he say this to you, you say that I've been deeper in her than he ever could.

So the next time his father made the same comment Little Timmy very loudly said - Uncle Jim has been deeper in her than you ever could.

PETA should respect Steve Irwin by eating him and using all his parts, not letting anything go to waste.

That's how my uncle, a hunter, explains "respect" anyway.

Ever heard of 'Naked and Afraid'? That's my uncle's version of hide and seek.

What is a pdf file

And why is my uncle under arrest for being one

What is the opposite of a croissant?

A happy uncle.

What’s worse than ants in your pants?...

Uncles

I told my teenage niece to go get me a newspaper...

She laughed at me, and said, "Oh uncle you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

How can you differentiate male ants from female ants?

They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles

Sent to Jail.

After getting sent to jail, I spent the next hour being held face down over a table and getting violently fucked up the arse.

Sometimes I think my uncle Brian takes Monopoly a bit too seriously...

Why don't ants have balls?

Cause then they'd be uncles!

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.