A person is walking down the street and hears a bunch of people in a fenced-in yard shouting, "19! 19! 19! 19!"
Curious, he walks over and looks through a hole in the fence. Someone from the other side pokes him in the eye and they all start shouting "20! 20! 20!"
A little girl was in class talking to her teacher.
"I had a kitty who stuttered." Said the little girl. "I was in the back yard with it when a Rottweiler that lives next door jumped over the fence into our yard!"
“That must've been scary!” said the teacher.
“It sure was", said the little girl. "My little kitty raised his back and went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "fuck," the Rottweiler ate him!"
This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
My wife swears the CIA put a listening device in our yard disguised as a tree.
I told her it's just a plant
Every day as i walk to the bus stop I speak with a 93 year old man with alzheimers who sits on his rocking chair looking over his yard with a concerned expression.
He musters his strength and calls out to me "hey.. have y-you seen m-my wife?" And every day i have to tell him "I'm so sorry.. your wife has passed away 10 years ago". Ive considered not telling him but my mornings always feel better after I see the look of sheer joy on his face.