Jokes

What happens when you step on a grape?

It lets out a little wine.

The Holy Bible tells us to love one another.

The Kama Sutra is more specific.

Why did the French guy only eat one egg?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

When I die, I want my remains to be scattered at Disney World

Also, I don't want to be cremated

A gay man and his male friend are hanging out at his house...

After a while of playing games, talking, and watching TV, the friend gets hungry. He turns to his gay buddy and asks:

"Hey, I am gonna order some subs, do you want any?"

The gay man replies: "No, sorry, I only do doms."

What happened to the 2 guys that stole a calendar?

They got 6 months each.

Don't wait until your deathbed

to tell people how you really feel. You might be too weak to raise your middle finger by then.

Communists jokes on internet aren't memes

They're ourours

What do they call aborted fetuses in Prague?

Cancelled Czechs.

What worse than two girls running with scissors?

Two girls scissoring with the runs.

What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home?

"Where on Earth have you been?!"

how many Indians does it take to fix a lightbulb?

Two. One to do the task and other to explain how lightbulbs were actually invented in ancient India.

This will be my first Halloween as a single person in over 12 years.

I think I’ll dress up as Southwest Airlines and fuck a bunch of people.

So I was asked the past tense of 'think' in a English test today

I thought and thought and thought and finally wrote 'thunk'.

Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?

Because Dawn is tough on Greece

What's Michelle Obama's favourite vegetable

Barackoli

Why can't you compare Donald Trump with Steve Jobs

That'll be like comparing apples and oranges

What's the difference between a restored church and a bumhole dipped in holy water?

One's a rectified sanctum...

Almost no one knows what the initials T and S stand for in T.S. Eliot’s name.

It’s Top Secret.

I was so bored that I memorized six pages of a dictionary.

I learned next to nothing.