18 jokes

My wife always said that she wanted the body of an 18 year old...

... but she got really upset at me when I actually brought her one.

You know, giraffes can grow up to 18 feet

but most of them only have 4

The Nintendo 64 turns 18 this week...

Which means you can now legally blow the cartridges.

The Elderly Guy in Church

An elderly man walks into church, goes into the confessional and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair and I made love to two 18 year old girls. Both of them. Twice."

The priest said: *"Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"*

"Never Father, I'm Jewish."

*"So then, why are you telling me?"*

"I'm telling everybody."

TIL The U.S is #18 in Mathematics worldwide.

At least we're in the top 10.

What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 – You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 – If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

How did 8 kill 18?

8/8/18

Turned 18 today, so I bought a locket and put my own picture in it...

Guess I really am... Independent!

When I was a lad, my father told me I should never go to a whore house.

He said that I might see something there that I shouldn't see.

When I turned 18, my curiosity got the better of me, and I went to a whore house. And I did see something I shouldn't see: I saw my dad there.

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?

The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18

At 18 a woman is like Africa, wild and untamed.

At 28 a woman is like Asia, exotic and beautiful.

At 38 a woman is like America, flourishing and in the prime of life.

At 48 a woman is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest.

At 58 a woman is like Australia, everyone knows it's down there but nobody gives a damn.