Vegan jokes

What's the difference between a vegan and a straight male submissive?

A vegan craves umami. A male sub craves "ooh mommy".

There's an old saying that goes "You are what you eat".

I suppose that would explain why my vegan friend has been in a coma all this time.

What's the number one rule of Vegan Fight Club?

Tell everybody

I met this girl at a vegan restaurant she said she knew me.

But I never met herbivore

PSA: Vegans and Vegetarians should stop eating brown sugar immediately!

It's made out of mole asses

A vegan, an atheist, and a crossfitter walk into a bar...

I only know because they told everybody

What do you call a vegan lion?

Dead

If two vegans are having an argument

Is it still considered beef?

Vegan in a restaurant

Customer: I'm vegan, I don't eat gluten or carbs, I'm lactose intolerant, and allergic to nuts. What should I get?

Waiter: the fuck out

Why don't vegans moan during sex?

They don't want anyone to know they're enjoying a piece of meat.

As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting.

But apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.

I decided to become vegan today

The hardest part is quitting cold turkey.

My girlfriend changed a lot since becoming a vegan

It's like I've never seen herbivore.

What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer?

One is disgusted by rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by lack of RAM.

A Man Has a Heart Attack on a Plane...

Stewardess: Is **anybody** here a doctor?!

Man: (Raising Hand) I'm a vegan.